Dreaming of the Clinic

Today after talking to a couple MS3s and an MS4, I started to get that feeling again.  I feel like I belong with patients, in the clinic, working.  Since the start of my clinical experience, just passing food trays to hospital patients, I knew I wanted to work in a hospital.  Through the years working as a certified nursing aid, a phlebotomist, and an EMT has helped me keep my eye on the prize and help me stay connected to patients.  With the older medical students talking about their day in the clinic and their future aspirations in certain specialties, I couldn’t help but long to be back on the wards.

Throughout my time in medical school, the school workload has only grown.  The only job I’ve had time for is taking call shifts as an EMT here in Vermillion.  But with licensing boards and finals lingering over me, and my certification about to lapse, I’ve had to slowly discontinue my volunteer work with the ambulance department.

This lack of patient interaction has made me miserable.  I feel like it is a part of who I am, as I’ve had some interaction with patients since I was 15 years old.  On the way to school today, I daydreamed that I would see an accident on the interstate.  Then I’d be able to stop and help out, even if that meant just holding someone’s C-spine until an ambulance arrived.  I felt like an EMT rookie again, wishing (yet at the same time not wishing) for an accident to happen.

I really can’t wait for third year.  I realize it’s not all exciting life-saving work, but the school work is bogging me down.  I feel unhappy, and the only thing getting me through the day is that in a few short months I will be in the clinics.  Sure, there will be a lot of waiting around, running small errands, standing in the corner, holding retractors, and doing redundant paper-work, but that sure beats sitting in class any day of the week in my opinion.

Well back to studying…